One of the most common reasons people contact me for coaching often has to deal with confidence issues. This can present in many different ways. Poor performance, lack of motivation, and even the inability to have successful relationships.
Sometimes it is less obvious than the reasons listed above, and it takes a bit of digging before it becomes revealed.
At any rate, if this is something you are currently struggling with, you are not alone.
WHAT IMPACTS SELF CONFIDENCE?
Many factors can impact our self-confidence as adults. A portion of this (25-50%) can actually be inherited. So, before you beat yourself up too much, realize that there is a genetic component to it.
Another big factor is your life experiences. Were you a victim of bullying as a kid/teen? Did you experience any type of trauma (physical, sexual, emotional)? What were your parents like as caregivers? Finally, what has you experience been based on your gender/race/sexual orientation?
Mental health and other chronic health issues can also play a role in how we as adults perceive ourselves.
This is not meant to be an all-encompassing list but is meant to give you an idea of some of the things that can contribute to underlying self confidence issues.
A PERSONAL STORY
You might be reading through these things thinking…that sounds like most of the people I know. So, does that mean that everyone has self confidence issues? Potentially, at some point in their lives.
I think it is naïve to assume that everyone doesn’t struggle with some feeling of insecurity from time to time.
What I am talking about for the purpose of this article is the more chronic self esteem issue that causes issues in your day to day life. Even if it is a bit more minor in its impact.
For instance, I have been open about the fact that I struggled with some self-confidence issues when I first started my business. I wasn’t actually aware that I was having a problem. At least not one that needed any major attention.
That was until one of my coaches called me out.
I had been doing quite a few initial client calls but hadn’t brought anyone on board yet. I confessed I was relieved. Wait, what?? I was intentionally self-sabotaging due to my self confidence issue.
This was a huge eye opener for me. We had a very difficult but necessary discussion. I signed the next client I spoke with.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?
Hopefully you have done a ton of personal reflection and work on yourself and it happens like for you. Chances are, that isn’t going to be the case. I had about a year of intense coaching along with some equally intense process groups in order for that kind of growth to happen.
I put in the time and the hard work,
You can totally be a more confident version of yourself though. You just have to want to get there.
SOME FIRST STEPS
1. Identify What You Want – This sounds easy enough, but it is usually the hardest step. We can usually talk about the things we DON’T want much easier that those we do. If you need to start with those, that’s ok. Try to visualize what you DO want.
2. Write It Down – In coaching it doesn’t exist if you don’t write it down. I’ll harp on you about this if you are ever a client. My reason for this is based in science and also in my own personal experience in working through my own growth plans. If you write it down…it will come.
3. Try Something New – For some of you this will be scary. That’s ok. Scary is very often where the growth happens. Get out and meet some new people (socially distanced to your comfort level), start a new hobby, learn a new sport, take a class. Do something you have never done that takes you out of your comfort zone and out of your regular routine.
NEXT STEPS
Today we talked about improving your self-confidence and some quick steps you can begin implementing today.
I work with clients every day that have struggled with this and have improved. I have personally had to work on this. I can help you if you are having a hard time. Click here to schedule your complimentary call today! Let’s explore working together.